5 Steps That'll Help Her Ace Being the New Girl
Despite what movies and sitcoms have shown us, being the new girl at school doesn’t have to be filled with drama. The truth is that it’s an awesome opportunity for your daughter to expand her friend base, try new activities, and generally have a fresh start. Walk her through these five tips to help her rule the school.
1. Sign up for something
The cool thing about most middle and high schools is that there
are clubs for just about anything she might be interested in—from
stargazing and drama club to the Model U.N. Even elementary schools
often have fun groups like Girl Scouts that she could sign up for.
Plus, these lunchtime or after-school activities are one of the
easiest ways to meet other girls who share her passions—when everyone
involved cares about the same things, there’s no need for a creative
ice breaker to start a conversation.
2. Let your freak flag fly
Remind your girl that
being true to herself—quirks and all—will lead to genuine friendships
based on similar senses of humor; common interests; and, most of all,
trust. If she tries to be something she’s not or exaggerates stories
about her past, the other kids will ultimately figure it out and may
feel betrayed that she wasn’t authentically herself to begin with. If
Luna Lovegood found her tribe at Hogwarts (and she did!), your girl
will find hers, too.
3. Bring the fun
Waiting around to be invited to
parties and other activities—especially when all the other students
seem to have known each other for years—can make anyone feel lonely.
So instead of sitting by and hoping someone will think to include her,
encourage your daughter to invite other kids to join her for
tacos after class or to come over for ice cream and a movie on the
weekend. Yes, this might require a bit more work on your end when it
comes to hosting neighborhood kids—and possibly initiating the
playdates yourself if your daughter is too young—but it will pay off
when you see your girl forming meaningful new friendships.
4. Ask questions
Fact: everyone likes to think
they’re an expert on something—so suggest that your daughter ask the
girl next to her in homeroom to give her the skinny on who’s who and
what’s what on campus. Similarly, in the lunch line, she’ll likely
have no trouble finding someone willing to help her suss out what’s
actually good and which mystery meals she should avoid at all costs.
If your daughter is very young, or simply shy, you might want to
role-play these scenarios with her at home. Although none of her
questions are guaranteed to end in friendship, they’ll send a signal
to other students that she’s approachable and could lead her to get to
know a variety of new people.
5. Don’t be a try hard
Making new friends is
always exciting, but when you’re the new girl at school, it can
actually feel like winning the lottery—or at least like grabbing hold
of a life preserver in the middle of rocky waters. Still, remind your
daughter that she’ll do best if she relaxes and lets friendship take
its natural course. Suddenly dressing exactly like her bio lab mate or
liking every one of a new friend’s Insta posts all the way back to
2013 isn’t a cute look and can actually scare people off! Not
everyone she meets will turn out to be a good friend—and that’s OK.
The important thing is for her to feel comfortable in her own skin and
seek out friends who seem just as interested in learning about her as
she is about them.
In general? Keep in mind that the start of the school year—especially when your daughter is the new girl in class—is a transition, not a one-and-done situation. So keep the conversation going and check in with her to see how she’s feeling as she makes the new school her own.
